Bottled-up feelings? Not over here… We share top tips to help you open up your toddler’s emotional world
Toddlers might be small but they have big feelings, and they don’t always know the best way to express them.
Whether it’s crying from frustration, feeling overwhelmed by a change in routine, getting upset over a broken toy or just feeling a little bit cranky from hunger (we’ve been there), it’s important to help them understand their emotions and how to communicate with you. Not sure how? Take note as we cover the basics.
Why expressing emotions is important for toddlers
There’s a lot of focus on baby’s milestones, from first steps and potty training to first words and eating new foods, but what about the important emotional milestones as they grow up?
Teaching toddlers to express their emotions is beneficial for many reasons, including:
- Helping them develop lifelong skills to cope with big feelings
- Learning acceptance, resilience and how to tolerate others
- Teaching them how to articulate their feelings
- Helping them build strong relationships with others
- Developing a sense of empathy
- Learning the importance of facial expressions and body language
You’ve heard of the saying ‘start them young’ right? Well, helping your little one understand their emotions from a young age can have a really positive impact on them both as a toddler and as they grow up. Want to know where to start? Scroll down as we cover our top tips next.
5 ways to help toddlers express their emotions
Emotions are tricky, especially when you’re a toddler. When they have so much to say but can’t find the words, it can be challenging for both of you. So here are five ways to help them make sense of what’s going on inside.
1. Share your feelings with them
Doing this is a great way to help your toddler understand and identify their own emotions. For example, you could say “Mummy is feeling a bit tired” or “I’m really excited to go to the park with you today”.
Try to make this a regular thing at home and share any feelings as soon as you feel them – you might even find they start to mimic you as a way of learning.
2. Teach them emotional vocabulary
When your toddler is experiencing big feelings, try to name them to help build their emotional vocabulary. This way, they’ll slowly be able to recognise and name their own feelings.
You could also consider getting some feeling cards which show your toddler the different emotions through words and pictures – these can come in handy when they want to express how they’re feeling.
3. Validate their feelings
A great way to help your toddler understand their emotions is to validate how they feel while being sympathetic. Listen to what they’re trying to tell you and take note of their body language and actions.
For example, if they’re upset over not being able to play with a certain toy, validate them through facial expressions, affection and by saying things like “I understand you’re upset” and “it’s okay to feel this way”. You could also try to offer them a way to feel better, like suggesting another toy or giving them a cuddle.
4. Get creative with expression
Sometimes it can be tricky for toddlers to put their feelings into words, so why not try a creative task instead? Things like drawing and painting can be both entertaining, therapeutic and give your little one an outlet.
For example, if they’re worried or angry, get them to draw what they think this emotion looks like. This can get them to visualise certain emotions and help them process how they’re feeling.
5. Let them know you’re there for them
Whatever your toddler is feeling, it’s important to show up for them and let them know you’re there.
If they’re happy, jump for joy with them, if they’re sad, do something fun together to cheer them up, and if they’re angry, wait for them to calm down and they might feel ready for a cuddle. This will help you build a stronger relationship and show them that you’re a safe space for them to go to with their big feelings.
How to handle tantrums
Toddler in meltdown mode? First of all, it’s important to note that tantrums are completely normal and a healthy part of a toddler’s development.
But as they become more active and independent between the ages of 18 months and three years, they’ll slowly begin to experience more feelings, which they’ll need help coping with. And while the ‘terrible twos’ are renowned for being a challenging time, it’s also a period of time where your toddler is saying “I need some help with my big feelings.”
Whether it’s a major meltdown or they’re just not cooperating with you, it can be tricky to know how to tackle the situation at hand. But every child is different and develops at a different rate. Our advice? Be gentle with yourself and know that these things take time. The first thing to do is to try and find out why the tantrum is happening – they might just need a bit of affection and validation.
To help them cool down, there are a few techniques you can try. But if you’re struggling with your toddler’s behaviour or you’re concerned, speak to your health visitor or GP for advice.
Stay cool, calm & collected
Although you may feel frustrated while helping your toddler manage their emotions, it’s important you stay nice and calm. While we know this can be hard in the moment, it may be a good idea to make sure your toddler is safe, then step into another room for a minute to take a deep breath and decompress. Doing so will make it easier for them to understand and they’ll be more inclined to learn. For example, you could say “It’s okay to feel angry but it isn’t okay to push others”.
If you can, try to refrain from using threats and ultimatums, and avoid smacking as this can set an example for your child, making discipline harder and your toddler more resentful. This may also make them think smacking is an acceptable behaviour, and they may treat people in the same way as a result.
Give your toddler space
Everyone has their own ideas of how a child should be disciplined, and that’s okay. But when a tantrum strikes, we’d recommend giving them space to calm down and process their big feelings.
You can give them a cuddle once they’ve calmed down, encourage some calming activities like reading and colouring, or consider offering them a couple of choices – try to limit this to two though so they’re not overwhelmed. For example, you could say something like “Do you want to play with your toys now or go to the park?”. This will help them feel more in control and help them manage their emotions.
If they’re struggling to calm down, try to get them to do some deep breaths using the ‘smell the flower, blow out the candle’ method. Get them to pretend to smell a flower while inhaling, and a blowing out a candle while exhaling.
Find a distraction
Toddlers are curious, so if you feel a tantrum coming on, try to distract them with something. Whether it’s something you can see out of the window like a cat, or showing them their favourite book, doing this with lots of enthusiasm can help divert their attention.
It's a good idea to be as prepared as possible. For example, if they get irritable on long journeys, take a couple of books or activities to keep them entertained.
Don’t forget to look after yourself
Now that we’ve covered how to help your toddler, it’s time we turned our attention to you. As a parent or guardian, it can be overwhelming trying to support your toddler and their behaviour, especially if you’re tired or stressed.
And while it’s important to find techniques that help you cope with your toddler’s emotions, it’s equally as important to look after yourself – because if you’re not at your best, how will you be the best for your little one?
We’d recommend:
- Making time for self-care – whatever this looks like to you – a bubble bath, reading or doing something you enjoy. Just taking some time out can do wonders for your mind and body
- Keeping on top of your physical health – try to maintain a healthy, balanced diet as well as exercising when you can – even if it’s a daily walk or swimming with your toddler – having this movement can help with both your physical and mental wellbeing
- Practising mindfulness techniques – doing these can really help ground you and reduce stress, just take a look at our simple guide to get started
- Connecting with friends and family – whether it’s spending time together, leaning on them for support or have them help out with childcare to give you some me-time
- Talking to your health visitor if you’re finding it hard to cope – they can support you and suggest some new techniques to try
Frequently asked questions
Why is my 2 year old suddenly so emotional?
Known as the ‘terrible twos’ for a reason, this age can sometimes be a little more challenging as your toddler may have more tantrums and show more frustration. And while it can be a tricky time for parents, it’s a normal part of their development.
Their brains are developing rapidly as they learn about their emotions, but this should get easier as they get older and learn how to communicate their feelings with you.
If you are concerned about your toddlers behaviour though, speak to your health visitor or GP for advice.
What are the emotions of a toddler?
Much like adults, toddlers experience a lot of the same emotions as us. Anything from happiness, sadness, anger and frustration to fear, embarrassment and jealously. The only difference is that we know how to express emotions as an adult, while toddlers are learning every day.
What is a concerning behaviour for a 2 year old?
It’s normal for toddlers to have temper tantrums, break rules and always say ‘no’ while their social and emotional skills are developing.
But if you’re seriously concerned about your toddler’s behaviour, for example if hitting, biting or other aggressive behaviour becomes a regular occurrence and a means to express their emotions, it may be a good idea to speak to your health visitor or GP for advice.
When should I be concerned about my toddler’s tantrums?
Once your toddler reaches four years old and they start talking more, you may find they’ll be less prone to tantrums as they’re able to communicate with you better.
However, if you’re concerned about your toddlers tantrums, especially if they happen more often, are getting worse or they’re affecting your relationship with them, talk to your health visitor or GP for advice and next steps.
